Ubucuti bw’abashakanye ntibukwiye kurangirira ku kubana mu rugo gusa. Kuganira ku byifuzo byabo, kumenyana no kwita ku marangamutima ya buri wese bishobora kubafasha gukomeza kubaka urukundo n’imibanire irangwa n’ishyaka.
Mu mibanire y’abashakanye, urukundo, icyizere n’ubusabane ni inkingi z’ingenzi zituma bakomeza kubana bishimye. Icyakora, uko imyaka ishira, inshingano z’umuryango, akazi n’uburere bw’abana bishobora gutuma igihe baharira umubano wabo kigabanuka, bityo n’ishyaka ryari ribaranga rigatangira kugabanuka.
Kyle Benson, impuguke mu bijyanye n’imibanire n’ubusabane bw’abakundana, mu nkuru yasohoye ku wa 8 Mutarama 2020 ku rubuga rwe Intentionally Intimate Relationships, agaragaza ko gushyingiranwa bidakwiye gufatwa nk’impera y’urukundo, ahubwo ko ari intangiriro y’urugendo rwo kurushaho kumenyana no gukomeza kurwubaka.
Asobanura ko umubano mwiza usaba guhuza ibintu bibiri by’ingenzi: umutekano n’icyizere abashakanye bakura mu rukundo rwabo, hamwe no gukomeza kugira amatsiko yo kumenya mugenzi wabo no kumuvumburamo ibishya.
Kuki ishyaka rishobora kugabanuka?
Mu ntangiriro z’urukundo, abashakanye benshi bagira ibyishimo bikomeye. Ijambo, kurebana cyangwa gukoranaho bishobora gutuma bumva barushijeho gukundana.
Ariko uko bamenyerana, ibyo byiyumvo bishobora guhinduka. Bamwe bagatangira gushyira imbere akazi, inshingano z’urugo n’ibindi bibazo bya buri munsi, ntibakomeze guha umubano wabo umwanya uhagije.
Benson agaragaza ko kugabanuka kw’irari atari ngombwa ko bisobanura ko urukundo rwashize. Ahubwo, abashakanye bashobora kongera kubaka ubusabane bwabo igihe biyemeje kubwitaho no kuganira ku bibazo bibareba.
Kuri we, gukomeza kugira ubucuti bisaba ko buri wese amenya mugenzi we, ariko kandi akemera ko buri gihe hari ibindi ashobora kumuvumburamo. Ni ukuvuga ko kumarana igihe kirekire bidakwiye gutuma abashakanye bareka kwigira kuri mugenzi wabo.
Gukorakoranaho bifite uruhare mu kongera ubusabane
Gukorakoranaho mu buryo bwuje ubwuzu ni kimwe mu bishobora gufasha abashakanye gukomeza kumva ko bakundwa kandi bitabwaho.
Ibi ntibigarukira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina gusa. Guhoberana, gufatana mu ntoki, kwicarana hafi no gukoranaho mu buryo bwubaha ibyifuzo bya buri wese na byo bishobora gukomeza ubucuti.
Benson avuga ko kumenya uko mugenzi wawe akunda gukorwaho bisaba kumwumva no kumwitegereza, ariko cyane cyane kumubaza no kumureka akavuga ibimushimisha cyangwa ibimubangamira.
Abashakanye bashobora kugira ibyo bakunda bitandukanye. Ibishimisha umwe si ngombwa ko bihita bishimisha undi. Ni yo mpamvu kumenyana no kubahana ari ingenzi kurusha gufata ko abantu bose bagira ibyifuzo bimwe.
Kuganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina ntibikwiye kuba ikizira
Mu miryango imwe n’imwe, kuvuga ku byifuzo bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina bishobora gufatwa nk’ibiteye isoni. Ibyo bishobora gutuma umwe mu bashakanye atavuga ibimushimisha, ibimubangamira cyangwa ibyo yifuza ko byahinduka.
Icyakora, kuganira kuri ibyo bibazo mu bwubahane bishobora gufasha abashakanye kurushaho kumvikana no kwirinda gukeka ibyo undi atekereza.
Bashobora gutangira babazanya ibibazo byoroshye, urugero nka: “Ni iki gituma wumva ukunzwe kandi witaweho?”, “Ni ubuhe buryo bwo kugaragarizanya urukundo ukunda?” cyangwa “Hari ikintu wifuza ko twakongera mu buryo twita ku mubano wacu?”
Ibiganiro nk’ibi bifasha buri wese kuvuga atikanga gucirwa urubanza. Icy’ingenzi ni uko bitaba uburyo bwo guhatira mugenzi wawe gukora ibyo adashaka, ahubwo bikaba umwanya wo kumva no kubahana.
Gutandukanya urukundo n’igitutu cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina
Ikindi kibazo gishobora kugira ingaruka ku busabane bw’abashakanye ni igihe gukorakoranaho cyangwa kwerekana urukundo bihora bifatwa nk’intangiriro y’imibonano mpuzabitsina.
Hari igihe umwe ashobora kwifuza guhobera mugenzi we, kumwegera cyangwa kumufata ukuboko atagamije ko bikurikirwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Iyo ibyo bitumvikanyweho, ashobora gutangira kwirinda no gukorakoranaho kugira ngo atumva ko hari ibyo asabwa.
Ni yo mpamvu Benson ashimangira akamaro ko kumenya ko urukundo rushobora kugaragazwa mu buryo bwinshi, kandi ko gukundana bitagomba guhinduka igitutu.
Kugirana ubusabane burangwa n’ubwubahane bisaba ko buri wese ashobora kuvuga icyo yifuza, icyo atiteguye n’igihe akeneye ko mugenzi we amuha umwanya.
Abashakanye bashobora gukoresha ibiganiro byabo kugira ngo barusheho kumenya ibyishimo bya mugenzi wabo, ibyo akunda n’ibyo atishimira. Ibi bishobora kubafasha kunoza ubusabane bwabo no kubaka icyizere.
Urugero, bashobora kuganira ku buryo bwo kugaragarizanya urukundo, igihe buri wese yumva yitaweho, n’uko bashobora kuvugana igihe hari ikitagenda neza.
Mu gihe baganira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina, ni ngombwa ko buri wese yumva ko afite uburenganzira bwo kuvuga icyo ashaka n’icyo adashaka. Kwemeranya, kubahana no kwita ku marangamutima ya mugenzi wawe ni byo bigomba kuyobora ibyo biganiro n’ibikorwa bikurikiraho.
Urukundo rusaba kwitabwaho buri gihe
Gukomeza urukundo ntibisaba ko abashakanye bahora bumva ishyaka nk’iryo bagize bakimenyana. Ahubwo, bisaba ko bakomeza guha umwanya ubucuti bwabo, bakaganira, bakumvana kandi bakishimira kumenya ibishya kuri mugenzi wabo.
Nubwo inshingano z’akazi, urugo n’abana zishobora kubatwara igihe, gushaka umwanya wo kuganira no kwita ku byo buri wese akeneye bishobora kubafasha gukomeza kubaka umubano urambye.
Icyo inkuru ya Kyle Benson ishimangira ni uko ishyaka n’ubusabane bidakwiye gufatwa nk’ibintu bibaho ubwabyo gusa.