She’s tried every tactic she knows — from oral sex to various positions endorsed by Kama Sutra — and still, you’re nowhere close to orgasm. Though this might happen from time to time in a long-term, committed relationship, when the issue persists, she might pull out other strategies, like sexy lingerie or dirty talk, all in an effort to help you finish. When these don’t work, it’s common for women to take it personally. As Singer says, “Many partners of men with this affliction are confused, at a loss, and fearful that their own desirability, or possible lack of sexual skill, may be part of the problem. This creates a chilling effect on intimacy and trust, both of which are key to fostering a mutually supportive relationship.”
While this is reason enough to develop ways to overcome your performance issue (more on that later!), Dr. Michael adds that men will also feel confused. “Not being able to reach climax can erode his self-confidence if he feels he has no control over it and that it is affecting his sex life. It can even prevent him from wanting to have sex. It can create anxiety surrounding sex in his relationship and wreak havoc with the way he feels about himself as a man in some instances,” she adds.
When you put these two mental mishaps together, you might find yourselves having less and less intercourse, and pulling away emotionally. Luckily, there are ways to tackle this issue, according to the sex pros:
Do your Kegel exercises: Thought those were only for your girlfriend? Think again, Singer says. Men can squeeze and release their down-there muscles regularly for ten minutes a day to improve their performance. As she explains, “These tone the pelvic floor muscles, intensifying orgasm and strengthening ejaculation. Ask your doctor for instructions or look online for tutorials.”
Remember to breathe: The last time you were focusing on something — or nervous about it — did you hold your breath? During periods of anxiety, it’s common to forget to inhale and exhale, regardless if it’s in a boardroom or in your bedroom. Though normal, Singer says the more you can breathe during sex, the better you will perform and be able to reach climax. “It relaxes the nervous system so that erotic stimulation can trigger orgasm and ejaculation,” she says.
Explore your fantasies: Regardless if they include your partner or not, Singer says the more you’re accepting of your fantasies, the better experience you will have erotically. Take the time to speak calmly and candidly with your girlfriend or wife about what gets you going and what doesn’t, pulling from past or hopeful experiences. “Recall the sexual fantasies that have turned you on in the past. Elaborate on them. They need not include your lover. They just need to excite you. Or try X-rated videos,” she suggests.
Try using lubricant: “Sexual lubricants make the genitals more sensitive to touch, and often help men with performance problems,” Singer says. It’s not a diss on you or your partner, but an added sensation that will make it more likely you can have your grand finale. Dr. Michael echoes Singer, adding: “A good lubrication can make manual stimulation more pleasurable. If a man is circumcised and not able to use the foreskin to masturbate, then a lubrication may help with friction and create a more pleasurable experience.”
Singer recommends the all-natural formula of Semenax that features herbals, amino acids and more. “This is a safe and highly-effective male supplement that allows men to climax faster and with greater intensity,” she shares.
You can also use a gel like Orgasmix. “Most of the ingredients are typically present in water-based lubricants, while a few others are usually seen in dietary supplements to increase sex drive. This product also contains Menthol, which is something you would recognize as an ingredient in products like cough drops or mints. This will cause a tingling sensation, which could be very pleasurable and may enhance orgasms,” she explains.
Try sex toys: Dr. Michael suggest certain types of sex toys for men as a way to help you ease into orgasm. These are beneficial since they teach you about your trigger zones and stimulate more parts of your erogenous areas than a woman can engage on her own. First, she suggests a penis ring or a male vibrator that pulsates, since these offer more stimulation to your penis, resulting in a faster climax.
Another one? Last but not least, a prostate vibrator that adds pleasure to your g-spot, and has been known to help men not only finish faster but have more powerful orgasms, too, according to Dr. Michael
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